IT'S A LOT (it's a lot) IT'S A LOT (it's a lot)

Sitting a at a coffee shop by myself, on my self-proclaimed “first real day off” since the start of this pandemic, (holy shit…suck on that for a minute), I am able to observe again…senses heightened, at bat, ready to swing. Conversations around me ping and echo, at times like surround sound, and others, fading into the background as I sit, pen to paper. “She’s 17- what can I do?” “He’s gonna fight it.” “He doesn’t believe in masks.” “When will we even know?!” “Can I ask you a question about tea?”

Not to be mistaken for a coincidence, this is the first time I have also sat down to write in a very long time. I was explaining this experience to a friend a week or so ago, my lacking in desire to do some of the things that bring me great, profound joy- write, draw, create, and get on my mat. She smiled ever so sweetly, looked me in both eyes, and gave me this both gentle and honest response, “You know that is one of the first signs of burnout, right?”

Yes. Why yes, I am very aware of this as I have felt burnt out for quite some time now. As a wife, daughter, mother, once full-time, and now part-time teacher to my two kiddos, therapist, semi MIA yoga instructor, and human freaking being, I have truly been burnt out for longer than I’d like to admit.

I also do a lot of the things. I meditate a lot, laugh a lot, love a lot, try to connect a lot, exercise in some way a lot, not do a lot, take vitamins a lot, drink water a lot, try to spend time in nature a lot…again, a lot of the things. I also mindlessly scroll social media a lot, avoid a lot, distract a lot, compartmentalize a lot, feel a deep sense of dread and anxiety a lot, am reminded of why I became a social worker as I (continue) to observe the vast social injustice in our nation a lot, clench my fists a lot, shut my eyes a lot, have to take deep, conscious breaths a lot, and check myself as I try not to spill over onto my family a lot.

IT. IS. ALL. A. LOT.

And a lot of this is not in my control. So I apparently do what I can, till I really can’t, then I take a few days off. (And I already have plans to take more off soon)

I think this (the time off) may have been the missing link, my friends; for me, for now.

‘Cause damn, it feels good to write again.

_______________________

Remember, (a lot of), feels are good. Feel them all. Then take a break- any kind of break that you can.

Much love to you all.

Peace out!

AND, when you just need some ridiculousness…